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Reading Group Guide

Discussion Questions

The Dance of Intimacy



3. Too often "acceptance of difference" (we can't change others, only ourselves) gets translated into an "anything goes" policy. Use case examples from the book to discuss. Remember that women have often had to choose between having a relationship and having a self. The challenge is to have both. Quotes for Discussion


"Intimacy is not the same as intensity, although we are a culture that confuses these two words." (Page 2)

4. "Differences are the only way we learn. If our world-- or even our intimate relationships-- were comprised only of people idenitical to ourselves, our personal growth would come to an abrupt halt." (Page 71) "We cannot navigate clearly within a relationship unless we can live without it." (Page 219)

The Dance of Intimacy
by Harriet Lerner

  • Publication Date: March 19, 1990
  • Paperback: 255 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks
  • ISBN-10: 006091646x
  • ISBN-13: 9780060916466