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That is the question.

A couple of weeks we ran a series on how Starting the Discussion, about how groups break the ice and get their conversations going. It occurred to me that I always start the same way…by asking if everyone finished the book.

Thanks to all of your emails and comments, I have learned that some of you require that everyone in the group finishes the book. Personally, I have never tried to enforce that rule and am not entirely sure I’d want to. Perhaps I’m too much of softy – or perhaps there is something bigger going on here.

I certainly understand that to truly discuss a book, you have to read the whole thing. But after some thorough soul searching, here are a couple of reasons I think its okay not to.

• I think maybe I’m afraid that with a You-Must-Finish rule, book club might feel less fun and more like homework.
  
  
• The reasons people did not finish the book can be enlightening. I mean, sometimes it’s just too much laundry, but sometimes it means we’re picking the wrong books.

But here is the most important reason of all for me. Up until some time in my mid-thirties I would not put a book down until I finished it. I would MAKE myself finish no matter how bored or unmotivated I was. I would continue to buy books and my stack would grow, but I would not start a new book until I had finished the old one. Then one day a light came on. Music played, birds sang, chocolate was guilt free and I suddenly realized I did NOT have to finish that damn book. I could…wait for it….not finish. I could actually give myself permission to say, “You know what – that book is not for me”. I felt like I was finally a grown up.

So – as much as I love and respect my book club and as much as I want to respect and honor the women (and men) that show up every month, sometimes I have to put myself first. Sometimes the book just isn’t for me…and sometimes I just really, really need to have clean clothes.

-- Dana Barrett, Contributing Editor