America's high divorce rate is well known. But little attention has been paid to the flip side: couples who creatively (sometimes clandestinely) manage to build marriages that are lasting longer than we ever thought possible. What's the secret? To find out, bestselling journalist Iris Krasnow interviewed more than 200 wives whose marriages have survived for 15 to 70 years. They are a diverse cast, yet they share one common and significant trait: They have made bold, sometimes secretive and shocking choices on how to keep their marital vows,"till death do us part," as Krasnow says,"without killing someone first."

In raw, candid, titillating stories, Krasnow's cast of wise women give voice to the truth about marriage and the importance of maintaining a strong sense of self apart from the relationship. Some spend summers separately from their partners. Some make time for wine with the girls. One septuagenarian has a recurring date with an old flame from high school. In every case, the marriage operates on many tracks, giving both spouses license to pursue the question"Who am I apart from my marriage?" Krasnow's goal is to give women permission to create their own marriages at any age. Marital bliss is possible, she says, if each partner is blissful apart from the other.

A fascinating window on the many faces of modern relationships, The Secret Lives of Wives brims with inspiring and daring examples of women who have it both ways: a committed marriage and personal adventures in uncharted territory. For anyone who wants to stay married and stay sane, this is the book to read!

2. Do you agree with Krasnow’s assertion that"you can shake loose legally from a vintage marriage, but you will forever be entangled in a place so deep that even the best lawyer is incapable of performing a clean extraction" (p. 37)?

3. Whether it’s taking up a discarded hobby or giving more attention to your appearance or taking a separate vacation, are you considering altering some behavior or attitude after reading this book?

4. Many of the women profiled gave up their jobs and careers when they married or became mothers. For them, returning to work revived their self-confidence as well as their marriages. But Alice and Jade are working wives and mothers. For them, the necessity of work breeds feelings of resentment toward their husbands. Jade complained,"even when I was working seventy hours a week… I still did the lion’s share of the work around the house" (p. 143). Is a successful marriage a socioeconomic luxury?

5. Cynthia has never had sex with her college boyfriend, but they regularly meet for lunch and follow it up with a make out session in his car. Mimi and her husband, Gerald, are swingers who regularly engage in foursomes. Do you consider Cynthia and Mimi’s marriages to be"technically" monogamous? Is Shauna’s infidelity okay since her husband doesn’t seem to care?

6. Do you think all of the wives profiled have an accurate sense of their husbands and marriages?

7. Were you surprised by Falisha’s overwhelmingly positive experience as a wife in an arranged marriage? Krasnow writes that,"divorce rates in India, where 95 percent of marriages are arranged, are among the lowest in the world" (p. 219). What do you see as the benefits of an arranged marriage versus a"love" match?

8. How --- if at all --- do you think the surge in Internet dating will affect marriage and divorce statistics in the decades to come?

9. Would you recommend The Secret Lives of Wives to your husband?